


Like a Moth to a Flame

by Bobbie23



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, post Threads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobbie23/pseuds/Bobbie23
Summary: “Dad told me I shouldn’t let rules stand in the way of being happy.” A lone tear slides down her cheek. “He was dying and I couldn’t tell him the truth even though he was trying to have an honest conversation with me,”
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Comments: 7
Kudos: 94





	Like a Moth to a Flame

Jack looks out of the small kitchen window at the figure huddled on the step of the deck nearest the small fire pit. He sighs as she digs at the flames with a long stick. She concentrates on the wood at the base of the bonfire, her glazed look bores through the orange and gold glimmers. Embers flick out into the night as she disturbs to the centre. Surrounded by darkness, she’s an alluring image.

He moves toward the back door, unable to stop himself. If Sam wants to be alone, he’ll leave her be. If she wants to talk, he’ll be there for her.

Behind him, a snore stops him from opening the door. He looks over at Daniel, glasses askew, face-down on the sofa, one leg dangling onto the floor. The book he was reading precariously balances between his open palm and the cushion edge. Jack sighs. He crosses the room and pulls out the two cushions from behind the archaeologist and tosses them on the floor to soften his fall if he rolls off. Then, Jack covers him with a blanket. He doesn’t try to extract the book from Daniel’s hands, that’s a sure-fire way to wake him. Just as he’s about to step away, he second-guesses himself and carefully rescues the glasses, folding them before placing them on the table.

Jack does a quick check over his shoulder, finding the door of the second bedroom ajar and the glow of candles from Teal’c’s kelno’reem. Satisfied, he slips out of the back door. Carter looks in his direction as soon as he closes the door behind him, breaking her staring contest with the fire. She gives him once over as she shuffles to the right to make room for him on the step, inviting him.

He lowers himself, groans at his knee cracking. “What are you doing out here, Carter? We could’ve built a fire inside.”

“I kind of like feeling cold too,” she answers. Jack eyes the thin sweater she’s worn all day. She digs at the logs again. He waits for her to talk as they fall into silence. She’s been mulling things over for a while, not just tonight. He doesn’t want to push; he just wants to make sure she’s going to be okay.

“I’m torn between being angry with myself and feeling sorry for myself,” Sam says after a long minute. A vicious jab at the core of the blaze sends a few bits flying to the edge of the fire pit, just short of being dangerous.

“What for?”

“For being angry at you.” Her eyes flick over him without quite finding his eyes.

He tries to hide his surprise but he does a lousy job. He expected her to say something about her dad or the engagement. Not him. That stings. He gives her a once over, not sure how to respond. She doesn’t seem angry now. He can’t actually remember her being angry with him in a while so he has no idea what he did to piss her off or why she’s waited till now to bring it up instead of at the time. He made a few crude jokes today but she either smiled or giggled at him, even when he’s ordered her not to – that just made her giggle more – so he doesn’t think it’s that.

“Oookay, I know I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes,” Jack winces. “But I got nothing, so don’t hold it against me for asking, again, what for?” He implores gently, trying not to sound like he’s making a joke or being sarcastic.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sam admits without being explicit. It’s her turn to wince and bite her lip. “I had no right to be angry anyway but I just reacted. That’s why I’m feeling sorry for myself.”

He hadn’t expected honesty when he stepped outside, nothing so bold. There are no ranks here. He doubts he would use them if they were at home having this conversation. But they’re not and that could be what’s lowered her inhibitions and loosened her tongue.

“What did I do, Carter? You can’t say you were angry at me then not tell me why,” he probes without recrimination.

She breathes in. “It was my fault. I should’ve called that afternoon before turning up at your house.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she sounds small, embarrassed. “I’m sorry for interrupting your dinner.”

“You don’t have to apologise, Carter,” Jack tells her. Thinking back, she’d been sarcastic but the incident was over in moments because it was interrupted by the call about her dad. Jack had been too focussed on her sudden appearance to take in any other detail after that.

“I really do,” she assures him. “I panicked with Pete. Seeing you with Kerry, I had no right to be angry or jealous,” she sighs, rolls her eyes at herself. “I shouldn’t have been. You never, not once when I was with Pete…”

“He made you hum, Carter,” Jack points out, barely stopping himself from snapping. He catches her eye. “That’s enough to drive a guy crazy.” She blinks in realisation, her shoulders dropping. He knows he tried to hide his jealousy from her, he didn’t think he’d succeeded. He thought she knew. He knows. “Is that why you were angry?” He asks quietly, steeling himself for her answer.

She looks down at her hand holding the stick. “Partly,” she admits before adding, “I’m sorry I made things awkward for you and Kerry.”

“She ended it,” Jack informs her, realising he neglected to tell her. She groans and goes to speak only he cuts her off. “Don’t apologise. This whole thing is as much my fault as it is yours.”

Guilt hangs in the air between them, almost tangible. She concedes his point by not arguing or apologising. She tosses her stick into the fire with a sigh. “I made a mess of all of this.”

“As I said,” he gestures at himself, unwilling to let her shoulder the blame. His mouth is dry and he wishes he’d had the forethought to bring a couple of beers or coffee out here with him. Only he didn’t and now he, and Sam, are going to suffer without anything to lessen the blow. “You were trying to be happy. You were in love.”

“I wasn’t. I tried but I…” She shakes her head, sucks in a breath. “As complicated and confusing as whatever we have is, no one makes me feel the way you do.” She looks at her hands. “That’s what I wanted to tell you that afternoon before I got the call about Dad.”

“I know.”

“I’m leaving the SGC,” she announces suddenly. “I don’t know if that makes a difference to you or not but I can’t keep doing this.” She swallows. “Dad told me I shouldn’t let rules stand in the way of being happy.” A lone tear slides down her cheek. “He was dying and I couldn’t tell him the truth even though he was trying to have an honest conversation with me,” her voice cracks as she swallows again.

“What is that?”

“That no one makes me happier than you.”

“Come ’ere.” A finger swipes along her cheek as he wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him. She immediately buries her head into the crook of his shoulder as he holds on tightly despite the odd angle. Her arm curls around his middle, her hand fisting his jumper to cling on. “I don’t know, Carter, I think I might have some stiff competition from your quarks.”

She huffs out a laugh against his neck. He squeezes her, relieved she isn’t pushing him away after his joke. He always expected their relationship to change when they finally made it to the cabin yet he didn’t expect to be this honest. Neither of them has done anything wrong. They were trying to make the best of a crap situation. He would never hold her relationship with Pete against her, not when the guy could offer her things he couldn’t at the time. None of it changed how he felt about Sam, none of it.

“You’re not the only one transferring. Hammond’s retiring, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you.” Sam adjusts herself against him to look up at him, listening without recrimination. “I don’t know how that works with your transfer but it gives us options.” She closes her eyes, nodding slightly. He brushes his lips against hers gently. “Truth is, I should’ve ended things with Kerry before you came to my house. I knew there was no way I would ever care about her, the way I care about you.”


End file.
